Famous person’s Twitter account has nude photo of daughter who previously made claims of abuse

by Domestic Violence Support Services

Too often, we don’t believe those who are vulnerable; not even when we are presented with evidence. This is known as being a hopeaholic — hoping that the stories are not true.

I am reminded by the referenced article how I look forward to the day when children are not considered property. Did you know that running away is a statutory offense, a crime based on age? Most folks don’t consider the reasons why runaways choose to run away.

To think about: Why is child abuse pardoned as excessive discipline?

Did you know: Individuals who are cruel to, and abuse animals, are more likely to be cruel to, and abuse, children and others?

The real hope: New brain synapses, and new habits, can be formed, when we identify the reason for child abuse, animal abuse, domestic abuse: The need to feel in control. The need to prove that they are not less than. Unresolved trauma.

Break The Cycle

Folks may laugh at “how small” someone’s hands are;
Folks shame and blame,
And the individual who is being shamed and blamed
Has something like a paper bag inside them
(we all do)
And every cruel comment, post, act
adds a puff to that paper bag that is inside each of us
And it eventually blows up
And we blame the person
who was being treated cruelly
We justify poor choices and actions
and the cycle continues.

Extend grace
Stop the shame
Stop the blame
Break the cycle

ExtendGrace

StopTheBlame

StopTheShame

BreakTheCycle

OurChildrenAreWatching

OurChildrenAreSuffering

Link to referenced article

January 17, 2021 Action Plan

by Felicia Chew

Current situation:
– We are like a family that has high-conflict parents who are just trying to win.
– Homelessness (including but not limited to individuals who lost homes due to addictions, excessive medical costs, inability to manage finances, inability to stay focused, abuse, lack of connection);
– Domestic abuse (including but not limited to spousal abuse, child abuse,  elder abuse, animal abuse);
– High tensions;
– Denying the existence of the above issues; Shame and blame; lack of understanding; Stereotypes of those who are in the above situations and/or advocate for those who are in the above situations.

Current challenges, including but not limited to:
– limited perspectives (including but not limited to self-absorption, “dirty window”/”rose colored glasses”, inability or fear of questioning popular culture);
– implicit biases;
– lack of process, desire and ability to follow process, to provide for justice in accountability;
– shame, blame, guilt;
– lack of understanding mental health (including but not limited to survival mode, response to crises, human development).

Needs, including but not limited to:
– Individuals who are complex thinkers, self motivated learners, ethical humans, effective communicators;
– individuals who are compassionate, humane, empathetic, and wise;
– individuals who understand that resources may appear to be limited, but are much greater than what appears.

Long term goal
Improve quality of life for all by:
(1) increasing the number of opportunities for improving the quality of life for all, by educating folks about trauma, its effects, and how to break cycles of detrimental systems, including but not limited to the cycle of systemic domestic abuse, through the sharing of stories, arts, and perspectives;
(2) providing public spaces for healthy connections, including but not limited to parks with features for those who are mobility different, those who are sensory different, and have different levels of health; maintaining policies and processes for individuals and communities,
(3) providing for the ability for all members of the community the opportunities and means for attaining and enjoying life.

Next Steps:
1. Education: Pull the wool off of people’s eyes; Empower individuals; Educate the community about self/ego, unresolved traumas, ACES, the power of listening and extending grace.
2. Advocacy: Advocate for policies and processes that provide justice for each of us and all of us.
3. Outreach: Spread the word through social media, media, letters, courageous conversations.

Results will include (in no particular order):
– Increased happiness in the community, including but not limited to:
workers, business owners, families, through increased productivity and time available.

#WorkSmarterNotHarder #BeWater #ListenBelieveBeLove

Action Plan Theory
– Remember that implementation is the key.  When individuals feel they have no control over the situation, they are likely to fall into fight, flight, freeze, fawn, unless they are mindful of these possibilities.
– Remember that habits are hard to break.  Some studies show that it takes at least 30 days of mindful and intentional work to change a habit.
– Recognize that our culture has been brainwashed into thinking that  “Old dogs can’t learn new tricks”.  I am not sure about dogs, but human brain research shows that we can build new synapses, with more exposure, and consistency, e.g. “The more you see it, say it, do it, the better you will get at it.” Note: It is also important to recognize frustration levels, and remember the theories of economics and the maximum output bell curve.

Action Plan Action
– Apoligize for all the times individuals may have laughed at questions that were asked.  Define clarification questions and empower individuals to use them
– Educate individuals about individual responsibility and the effects of individuals.
– Educate individuals about community responsibility and the effects of individuals.
– Dispel the myth that common sense is common.  There are many sensibilities,  dependent on an individual’s personal experiences and exposure to experiences.
– Educate individuals about the impact of language (verbal and non-verbal), and empower individuals to walk away from toxic individuals and groups.
– Educate individuals through fact, not fear,  about predators and others who abuse power and control.
– Increase opportunities for positive physical and mental health. Construct walking paths in parks; these can be community build events that connect the community including the homeless living in those parks, and LISTENING without judgment to why they are where they are.  These spaces should be accessible to all.
– Increase opportunities for making healthy connections.. Construct gathering spaces in public areas.  These should be accessible to all, and usable by all, and enforced by individuals who understand human development, boundaries, and manipulation.
– Transform the culture of failure by re-defining, or creating a new term that describes how individuals succeed in a variety of ways.
– Empower victims and perpetrators to share their journeys in non-judgmental spaces.
– Provide opportunities for individuals to simply exist.

Must Reads:
– John Steinbeck: “Junius Maltby” (the link is to “The Red Pony” and Junius Maltby; Junius Maltby is at the end of the linked pdf)
– “The Four Agreements
– “Masters of Disguise: Shame and Guilt

– Felicia Chew, January 17, 2021

www.feliciachew.com

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.