By Felicia Chew
(No profanity! Edited for spelling)
It took losing folks I cared about to show me that yes, I have an addiction to fighting. I remember during my 2017 campaign, when we were trying to figure out how to “market me”, we played with a lot of signature lines. One of them was something like “Fighting for each of us”. And I remember one of my friends sending me a private message, expressing concern… that wasn’t the Felicia she knew. And she was absolutely right. The 2017 campaign turned me inside out and upside down. The problem with the 2017 campaign was that I knew what I saw as what the community needed, but I was still suffering from PTSD, and from the desire to please others.
You see, I am Chinese-American. The youngest of three. The only daughter. My parents immigrated. My dad experienced racism as a young man. My mother experienced the whole “hot Asian chick” stereotype. Basically, my whole family experienced weird stereotypes. And the community around us allowed it and perpetuated it. I was put into all of the advanced math and science classes because I was Asian. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do in those maths and science classes. There were supposed to be cool pictures that the formulae were creating. Mine were nothing close to “cool”. In science classes, all I could see in the microscope was my eyelashes.
I became a teacher. An English teacher. Talk to me without seeing me and you would not know I was Asian. But look at me, and the immediate assumption might be that I would have an accent. I remember running into the attendance office to clear a kid’s absence, and a parent saying to the clerk: “Wow! She speaks perfect English!” (That was in California). I remember being at a Park with my two older kids when they were young, and a group of third grade kids descending on them, making racist remarks. (That was in New Mexico). I remember moving being outside my apartment complex and hearing a man say: “Oh, it’s getting a little nippy out here.” (That was in Arizona.) Dude! I’m Chinese, not Japanese!
And now, here we are. In the year 2020 in the good ol’ U S of A, and our President does not care that folks are ignorant and responding to his words that this “Chinese Virus” is the reason for these troubles. He does not see the connection of the term “Chinese Virus” with the brutality and assaults of Asians around the world.
Dude, would it be so difficult to just call it the Coronavirus like most folks are doing? I get it. We cannot control what others do. But enough already!
#Breathe
In through the nose.
Out through the mouth.
Gently
.
.
Again
.
.
.
In
.
.
.
.
Out
.
.
.
Yes, I do have to #TakeAMoment, and center and ground. Because I have become accustomed to fighting. Earlier, I said I was addicted to fighting. Addicted. Accustomed. A habiteur of fighting. I have had so much trauma and disruption in my life that I don’t know what it feels like to not have it (some folks call that being at peace).
To me, peace is scary. It feels like I am alone.
#Breathe
The great (and terrible) news is that I am not alone.
Countless others who I have met along my journey in life have expressed similar fears and concerns. Feelings of being lost. And alone. And have turned to Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Avoidance. Excuses. Long hours at work. Blaming others. Shaming others. Digging their heels in.
Me too.
The great news is that #ThisTooShallPass. We are strong. We are survivors.
The unfortunate truth is that the more we fight one another, the more avoidable deaths are unavoidable. It is time to say #Enough. And as hard as that may be to bend to the will of narcissists… we are graceful and nimble. We have grown hard and stiff. We can dance. We can box. Yes, you dance when boxing. In football, you still need grace and nimbleness. We can rekindle those parts of us that have become recalcitrant. A strong core. With breath. With boundaries. With love. In love.
/Kalamajong
❤ Felicia
http://www.feliciachew.com
Felicia Chew is a mother, educator, and advocate for those who are vulnerable and unheard. She is working to end systemic domestic abuse through sharing stories, art, and wisdom. Find Felicia on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Etsy, and Instagram.
We are each a piece of the puzzle of life 