An apology and a confession

I am offering an apology and I am sharing a confession. I may have been aggressive (I prefer the term assertive) over the past several months in conversation or action.  I am in survival mode. As a survivor of domestic abuse, I have been working to emerge from that cycle; however the feelings of distrust and fear re-emerge in me, especially when I am pulled back into the cycle of abuse.  I am facing four felony charges.  I am in survival mode, and while in that survival mode I respond with fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Fight.  I may have appeared to be aggressive and condescending (fight).  This is especially true if the individual I am speaking with has implicit bias towards me (whether based on gossip, or my physical appearance… e.g. many individuals think I will “just listen and comply” since I am an Asian female… which is unfortunately a misconception based on negative stereotyping).  I can already hear the voices of those saying “That’s  not an apology!  You are being condescending!”  Actually, this is an apology.  It is not condescending.

The definition of condescending is:

having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority.

“she thought the teachers were arrogant and condescending”

 

I have absolutely no feeling of being “superior” to others.  However, you may have felt like I was being condescending.

So, I apologize.

Flight.  You may have felt like I “pushed you away” while I was retreating into my safe space.

So, I apologize.

Freeze.  I may not have done something that I said I was going to do.

So, I apologize.

Fawn.  You may have seen me be “super nice” to someone, and felt jealous or upset.  “Fawn” is a survival mode strategy that some might call “kissing up” or “sucking up”.  While unhealthy for me, it is not meant to be disrespectful to you.

So, I apologize.

I am in survival mode.  (This is an explanation, not an excuse.)

I apologize and I thank you for your compassion, for understanding the concept of being human, for your empathy, and for the wisdom that I have gathered from my life experiences, from friends and colleagues like you.

/Kalamajong

❤ Felicia

Train tracks at sunset.  Tomorrow is a new day.   Photo: Felicia Chew (Tucson, AZ) January 2020

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This page is hosted by Felicia Chew Community Projects.  “Building relationship through sharing stories, art, and wisdom  to help end systemic domestic abuse“.  Connect with us!  Please share this site with others, and please share your stories, art, and wisdom!  You can support our work at www.feliciachew.com

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You can help foster trauma informed communities at the Transcend Tucson Etsy shop!

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#STOJOHOFE

Transcend Tucson is more than just trauma informed courts. Transcend Tucson is trauma informed communities. Transcend Tucson ends poverty. Transcend Tucson also ends hopelessness and homelessness.

Transcend Tucson is a Civil Rights Movement.

How do we transcend Tucson? We address fear. We address hopelessness. We use compassion, humanity, empathy, and wisdom. We share stories, journeys, hopes, and fears.

How does Transcend Tucson end poverty, homelessness, and systemic domestic abuse? Poverty, homelessness, and systemic domestic abuse are stigmatized. People who are poor, homeless, and victims of systemic domestic abuse are looked down upon. The shame and guilt that accompany being In poverty, homeless, or the victim of Domestic abuse coercively destroys our Community. When we divide our Community through shaming and blaming, we cannot stand together. It is time for connectivity.

We can end systemic domestic abuse when we Transcend Tucson. Please join us in this very important work and journey. For more information, use our connect with us page, or call or text us at 520.909.3888.

#StopTheSame
#StopBlame #OurChildrenAreWatching #OurChildrenAreSuffering #STOJOHOFE

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Transcend Tucson is a Project of Felicia Chew Community Projects. Other Felicia Chew Community Projects include: The Tucson Quilt Project, The Tucson Zines, Save Golden Pin Lanes, SpeakUp, City Issues and Events, STEM For All, Think, Domestic Violence Awareness Series, “Pie,Felicia!” and Vote Felicia Chew.

Other work of our founder Felicia Chew includes Bring Back Kidco Summer Meals Programs, Free Bus Day On All-Mail Voting Days, Back Door Programs, 6-Week Awards, and Community Cares Project.

You can support Transcend Tucson by purchasing something from our Etsy Shop, making a direct contribution, or by signing up to volunteer.

Thanks for your support of this very important work.

/Kalamajong

❤ Felicia

Accountability: Lawyers

…”lawyers have an Oath and Creed that they should be following when representing clients…”

What to Expect:

In regards to Family Law in Arizona, lawyers have the responsibility to follow the Arizona Rules Family Law Procedure.

Additionally, lawyers have an Oath (see below) and Creed that they should be following when representing clients.  Organizations such as the BAR work to ensure that lawyers are following the oath and creed.  Unfortunately, lawyers may fall into the trap of unethical practices for a variety of reasons, including stress, unresolved trauma, and vicarious trauma.  When that happens (because lawyers are human), it is easy to continue on that downward spiral.  This is why it is important for agencies such as the BAR to do their work, of ensuring Lawyers are following an agreed upon code and creed.

This amended version of A Lawyer’s Creed of Professionalism of the State Bar of Arizona became effective January 1, 2017.

The Unfortunate Reality.

When it is apparent that the lawyer is not following the oath and/or creed, a complaint can be filed the BAR.*

*Note: When filing the complaint,  you must cite the Ethical Violations of the attorney and provide substantiating evidence (as the BAR only has resources to look at the evidence provided, they don’t dig into it).  Reference the State Bar of Arizona: Rules of Professional Conduct.

While it may be difficult to file the complaint, it must be done in order to maintain accountability and ethics in the profession, and safety for children and other vulnerable persons.  Individuals who have experienced domestic abuse are more likely to have difficulty with filing complaints and guilt, shame, and fear set in.  This is why it is necessary to consider elevating this action to the same level as reporting abuse of a child — punishable as a criminal offense.

Together, we can help end the cycle of systemic domestic abuse by proxy.

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To support our work, consider a direct contribution,  or a purchase from the Transcend Tucson Etsy Shop.  Thank you!

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This page is hosted by Felicia Chew Community Projects.  We recognize that the lack of a trauma informed community and the lack of trauma informed Courts perpetuates the cycle of domestic abuse.  Won’t you attend a trauma informed community course?  #StopTheShame #StopTheBlame #OurChildrenAreWatching #OurChildrenAreSuffering

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Connect with us via our Contact Page, or vial email at feliciachewcommunityprojects@gmail.com, or by phone/text at 1.520.909.3888