Morning Pages – July 24, 2019


Who am I? Someone who has empathy for a porcupine trying to take a bubble bath.


Who am I? I am someone who asks: When the man asked the woman to “Please stop speaking Spanish, was he..

… yelling at her?
… asking politely?
… overstressed because he was returning from a visit to a place where he did not understand what people were saying?
… triggered from PTSD?

That being said, it would behoove us to…

… be sure we are not overusing the word “racist” and jumping to conclusions.
… listen to people’s intent, and not just be impacted.
… ask clarifying questions.
… be kind.
… do the right thing, even when no one else is.

Q. Why is it important to do the right thing even when others are not?
A. Because our children are watching, and listening, and learning.

Q. Why is it important to have civil discourse?
A. Because violence begets violence begets violence (and it intensifies)

Q. Is this considered “pandering”?
A. No.

Q. Why are so many people upset?
A. People are upset because they have not taken time to process through the current events, and most likely any adverse childhood experiences. With unresolved trauma, people remain in a mild state of crisis and survival mode, which results in fight, flight, and freeze. People are fighting.

Q. What can we do?
A. Accept personal responsibility. Accept community responsibility. Listen. Ask clarifying questions. Think. Be still. Breathe. Be kind. Choose humanity, empathy, and wisdom.


Control versus Connection

The Situation:

Thinking about what Gabby has written (click on the image above to see the original post on Facebook):

“7 years ago we said never again after 12 people were shot and killed at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. 70 more people were injured that night, some of whom can no longer walk.

Remember them. We know how to prevent these shootings, and we owe it to victims and survivors to pass them.”

I am pausing on “we know how to prevent these shootings… pass them.”

“Pass them.”

I think she is referring to Legislation.  Ending the sale of bump stocks etc.  However, if we look at history with Prohibition, and with the current problems with drug cartels (the secret trading and deals that occur that are against the law)… we can see that legislation is really only a piece of paper.

“Passing more laws” can be helpful, so that the Court of Law can uphold them; however, even then, it is up to the interpretation of the Courts (Judges and attorneys).

Even when people overcome their fears and report secret activities that are unsafe and unhealthy for others (e.g. “secret trades”), the System can (and often does) pardons the “bad guys”, and punishes the “good guys”.

This is why it is so important to hold the systems accountable… not to run, but to stay and do what we can to make things better.

Problems in The System

What happens when the system powers are narcissistic?  You could try to remove them from power; however, their ability to influence would still exist.  Think about how “crime lords” are able to operate from behind bars.  Sure, we have seen justice served inside the prison walls to the pedophiles and those who commit crimes against the most innocent and vulnerable.  And, in my experiences, I have never heard of those involved in those murders receiving “consequences”  Maybe that’s because we secretly want those individuals to perish, but don’t want our hands to be bloodied.

(Note: One of the side effects of my trauma is that I am able to fly through an informed decision making chart more quickly than others, since I had to be able to quickly identify if any particular action would result in my abuser acting out, and blaming me.  In the world of domestic abuse/violence, we call this “walking on eggshells” when the victim is controlled by fear.  When the victim starts to realize the pattern and be more mindful,  we call this “informed decision making”).

That being said, implementing “tougher gun control / guns sense laws” only serves to further drive a wedge between “THE LEFT” and “THE RIGHT”.  Shaming and blaming occur, and the People suffer.

Personal Story

As a veteran teacher in schools (including public, Tribal, and private), a divorced parent (who has experienced domestic abuse/violence), a victim advocate (formerly for the County, and now privately for the community), I can see the corruption (like a computer file that gets corrupted by a virus) that exists in our system.

An Analogy

We need to isolate the virus.  After isolating the virus, we can attempt to find out what caused it, and the key points that require recoding (sometimes one simple flip) to transform its deadly powers into non-deadly powers.  If we try to eliminate it, it adapts, and becomes stronger.  (Consider the words “embrace” and “unbrace” which have completely opposite meanings).

This virus analogy is applicable when discussing the criminal minds in our communities.  With attempts to control a criminal mind, it becomes stronger.  So, the current American model is to punish the individual.  Sheriff Arpaio took that one step further, and worked on breaking the entire spirit of his inmates.. like some cowboys worked to break the spirit of a “wild stallion”.  I suppose people will claim that it is appropriate,  since the Bible states that man was given permission to rule over the animals and the land.

Finding the Solution

Why are these “senseless” shootings happening?

They are happening because the current American model is that the key to happiness is to have Power and Control.  Some folks have the misconception that a firearm will give them power and control.

What Can We Do?

  • Bust the myths
  • Build one another up
  • Stop blaming
  • Stop shaming
  • Listen
  • Do the right thing
  • Love one another
  • Help one another stay accountable to their desires
  • Set policies that help people stay healthy and safe
  • Spend government money on things that bring happiness and are healthy and safe for each of us and all of us
  • Speak up.  Share our stories and perspectives.
  • Have courageous conversations.
  • Recognize that each of us is beautiful, intelligent, and amazing
  • Give one another time to grow
  • Understand that we cannot control anyone else
  • Understand that we are each connected
  • Understand that a slight change in implementation can result in a huge change in outcome
  • Understand that we are dependent on one another
  • Recognize that we are a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.
  • Realize that many of us our operating in low-levels of crisis
  • Realize that many of us are high-functioning with anxiety
  • Become trauma informed
  • Have trauma informed conversations when making solutions.
  • Recognize that we don’t know what we don’t know
  • Remember that people are not mind readers
  • Realize that implicit biases exist
  • Realize that most of us are doing the best that we can
  • Realize that most of us don’t want to hurt others
  • Realize that some of us are so hurt by people and events that we don’t see value in ourselves… and when we don’t see value in ourselves and others, we are more likely to hurt others and ourselves
  • Recognize that many of us think we understand, when we understand nothing.
  • Understand that Ego and Self exist in each of us.
  • Know that I believe in us, and have faith in humanity.

Please share your stories and perspectives with us!  Email us at: feliciachewcommunityprojects@gmail.com20190615_204048