Excerpt from ” Breaking the Victim-Offender Cycle” (pages 2-4)

FB_IMG_1560970527192Offense #1.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
-Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
-Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #2.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
– Yeah.
– Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
– You said that last time.
– I did?
– Yeah.
– Oh…. well. This time I mean it.
– Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #3.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
– Yeah.
– Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
– You said that the last two times.
– I did?
– Yeah.
– Oh… well… maybe I should go talk to someone about that.
– Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #4.
– Hey, that was
– Offensive. You’re right. (Deep breath). I am working on it. I am sorry.
– Okay, I forgive you.

The process may take several weeks, because changing a habit is a hard thing to do. However, it is possible.

Offense #8.
– Hey,
– Offensive.
– Yeah. But I think you are doing better.
– Thanks. I’m going to keep working on it.
– Okay.

The frequency of the offenses should start to lessen, as the offender intentionally works to make things better. If the recipient shares the story with others unfamiliar with this practice (where people want things done quickly), there may be some doubt casting on the techniques.

If the scenario had been different, and after Offense #3, the offender showed no signs of remorse, this would be a red flag. The recipient could say: “Hey, thanks for hanging out, but you’re offensive, and not changing, and I am not okay with that.” The recipient could then choose to continue the relationship, or take another path. At that point, the offender could become angry, or just choose another path as well.

Whether the offender becomes angry and pursues the recipient, or chooses another path, an order of protection, or injunction against harassment could be issued. At that time, an advocate who is trained in mental health disorders should enter the scene and work with the offender, the offender’s family and friends, the recipient, and the recipient’s family and friends.

This may sound heavy-handed to individuals; however, it is important to realize that an Order of protection and an injunction against harassment can be quashed.

This also means that there should be monitoring of individuals who continue to have Orders and injunctions placed against them, and monitoring of individuals who are repeatedly the recipient’ of the offenders’ actions.

This also means individuals who are falsely accused of incidents should be “pardoned”, and the falsely accused should receive guidance on how to respond when confronted with the allegations.

This also means that individuals who harass or slander alleged offenders should be addressed, and receive educational experiences that help them understand the nature of false allegations, and how to be a better ally.

It may be observed that recipients are the instigators, and therefore they are they actual offenders.

What we know is that water can smooth the rough edges on rocks, and eventually erode rocks into sand. Our lives are full of learning and growing daily. Rocks and sands are the same but different. We can be the same but different.

That being said, wisdom tells us that we should be intentional and mindful when determining the content and the responses to conflict in institutions of education.

-“Breaking the Victim-Offender Cycle”
pages 2-4

#RockOn #BeLikeWater #Patience #Nurture


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