New Group: Help End Systemic Domestic Violence – Advocacy

The Facebook group “Help End Systemic Domestic Violence – Advocacy” has been created.  Please contact us if you would like to be added to the group

Let us do the work to update current legislative policies to include coercive control and to further protect and empower victims and survivors on the courtroom.  The welcome message to the Group is below:


I invited you to this group because you and I at one point had a conversation about how we could make things better by helping to end systemic domestic violence. (I wrote more info in the “About/Description” of this group.)

I would like to be intentional in passing these bills in the next legislative session, and I am hoping you can help. (The drafts are at, and a description of the work that was done is available at

The bills need sponsors (several Reps and Senators have expressed interest, including Rep Kirsten Engel, Rep Pamela Powers Hannley, Senator David Bradley and Senator Steele. I have also reached out to Rep Mitzi Epstein, Rep Alma Hernandez, Rep. Finchem, and a few other Representatives.) Former Rep Todd Clodfelter and I worked together to try to open a docket (not sure if that is the right term); however, it was too late.

I have never been through this process before, so I don’t know the “due” dates, and I also don’t know what I don’t know.

I am in need of individuals who will help in the following ways (forgive me for using my style of middle school classroom teacher je Shakespeare language… it is the language I speak):

1. Materials/Tools/Resource Gatherers – Folks to help bring information about what else is being done (there is a lot being done; however none of what is being done addresses the gaps that are included in the current drafts)

2. Editors/Commentators – Folks to read the drafts and help edit them

3. Publicity/Word Spreaders/Outreachers – Folks to get buy in from the community that Domestic Violence is real, and we need to do something differently from what we are doing

4. Testifiers – Folks who will go to the Legislative sessions to speak out.

I hope you are still interested and able in helping to make things better by helping to update the Legislative policies.

Thank you. Kalamajong,

Felicia Chew

#StopTheShame #StopTheBlame #OurChildren

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life. Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”


Excerpt from ” Breaking the Victim-Offender Cycle” (pages 2-4)

FB_IMG_1560970527192Offense #1.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
-Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
-Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #2.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
– Yeah.
– Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
– You said that last time.
– I did?
– Yeah.
– Oh…. well. This time I mean it.
– Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #3.
– Hey, that was offensive.
– It was?
– Yeah.
– Sorry. I didn’t mean to be offensive.
– You said that the last two times.
– I did?
– Yeah.
– Oh… well… maybe I should go talk to someone about that.
– Okay, I forgive you.

Offense #4.
– Hey, that was
– Offensive. You’re right. (Deep breath). I am working on it. I am sorry.
– Okay, I forgive you.

The process may take several weeks, because changing a habit is a hard thing to do. However, it is possible.

Offense #8.
– Hey,
– Offensive.
– Yeah. But I think you are doing better.
– Thanks. I’m going to keep working on it.
– Okay.

The frequency of the offenses should start to lessen, as the offender intentionally works to make things better. If the recipient shares the story with others unfamiliar with this practice (where people want things done quickly), there may be some doubt casting on the techniques.

If the scenario had been different, and after Offense #3, the offender showed no signs of remorse, this would be a red flag. The recipient could say: “Hey, thanks for hanging out, but you’re offensive, and not changing, and I am not okay with that.” The recipient could then choose to continue the relationship, or take another path. At that point, the offender could become angry, or just choose another path as well.

Whether the offender becomes angry and pursues the recipient, or chooses another path, an order of protection, or injunction against harassment could be issued. At that time, an advocate who is trained in mental health disorders should enter the scene and work with the offender, the offender’s family and friends, the recipient, and the recipient’s family and friends.

This may sound heavy-handed to individuals; however, it is important to realize that an Order of protection and an injunction against harassment can be quashed.

This also means that there should be monitoring of individuals who continue to have Orders and injunctions placed against them, and monitoring of individuals who are repeatedly the recipient’ of the offenders’ actions.

This also means individuals who are falsely accused of incidents should be “pardoned”, and the falsely accused should receive guidance on how to respond when confronted with the allegations.

This also means that individuals who harass or slander alleged offenders should be addressed, and receive educational experiences that help them understand the nature of false allegations, and how to be a better ally.

It may be observed that recipients are the instigators, and therefore they are they actual offenders.

What we know is that water can smooth the rough edges on rocks, and eventually erode rocks into sand. Our lives are full of learning and growing daily. Rocks and sands are the same but different. We can be the same but different.

That being said, wisdom tells us that we should be intentional and mindful when determining the content and the responses to conflict in institutions of education.

-“Breaking the Victim-Offender Cycle”
pages 2-4

#RockOn #BeLikeWater #Patience #Nurture

Felicia Chew on Bullying : Interacting with Parents


My heart is sad and angry.

**NOTE: This incident was not in Tucson; however, bullying exists in public schools in Tucson. Ask the parents of kids who were pulled from the public schools.**

I read an article this morning on my Facebook feed “Mom Arrested After Entering Elementary School and Confronting Son’s Alleged Bullies” ( tells the story of a mother who was arrested for speaking up. Was her method appropriate? What other choices did she have?

The article is another example of people not believing the victim…
The victim (and his mother) have been issued a “No Trespass” for the school. Previous to that, the victim was “isolated” for his protection.

Really? Yes, really.

I have included sections below that I found to be notable from the article, with my comments at the end of each section after the “–>”

Bullying is also a problem here in Tucson.

Schools can do better! Stop the school to prison pipeline by implementing restorative and transformative practices CORRECTLY. There is no shame in asking for help. However, schools should feel the guilt for not ensuring the safety and well-being of ALL students.

“Bullying and suicide, colloquially referred to as “bullycide”, are considered together when the cause of suicide is attributable to the victim having been bullied, either in person or via social media…The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) states that approximately 4,400 deaths occur from suicide each year. There are about 100 attempts of suicide to every 1 successful suicide. A little over 14% of students in high school consider suicide and approximately 7% of them attempt suicide. Students that are bullied are around 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims.[13] A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying. 10 to 14 year old teen girls are most likely to commit suicide based on this study. According to ABC News, nearly 30% of students are either victims of bullies or bullies themselves and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because they are scared of being bullied.[14]”(

Matt Kopec, you took me to Court, and kept me from having the opportunity to be on the ballot for Amphitheater Public Schools. Do you realize that there is bullying in the Amphi Schools, and you have overworked and exhausted staff who unintentionally exacerbate the problem?

What are you doing to #EndBullying?


Here are sections I found to be notable from the article, with my comments at the end of each section after the “–>”

“The interaction soon got emotional, and according to a police report as well as the Greeville County School District, Jamie Rathburn was seen yelling at a group of kids and a teacher.” –> of course she is emotional! She was frustrated that the school was ignoring her and her kid!

“…pointing her finger in a threatening manner.” –> (sarcasm, and probably not politically correct to say: was she going to Poke them to death?!?)

“Beth Brotherton, director of communications for the Greenville school district said that Rathburn had admitted she did not know who the bullies were, but Rathburn insists she did.” –> abuse of power, speaking for the victim

“Brotherton said there had been several isolated incidents between Rathburn’s son and fellow classmates but she said it was nothing that would constitute bullying, which she defines as repeated behavior by a specific individual or specific group of people.” –> if this is the policy, it should be amended to includ the phrase “or pattern”

“According to Brotherton, some of the specific incidents involved another classmate making faces or telling Rathburn’s son that his haircut was “silly,” but Rathburn insists the treatment of her son was closer to harassment.
– “He was told that he was ugly, that he was stupid, nobody cared, and he was called gay, he was cussed out, and when he reported those things he was told to ignore it,” Rathburn said. –> verbal and emotional abuse. Have we not been paying attention to the number of death by suicide of bully victims?
– She says that these incidents continued to occur over the course of the school year and eventually became violent, saying that he was thrown off a ladder slide by his neck and even hit with a computer. –> of course the school will deny… they could lose their jobs! When are we going to start admitting we don’t have eyes on the backs of our heads, and we need to help our students understand that doing the right thing is more valuable than being cool?
– She said that her son had scratch marks on his neck as well as bruises and when she tried to show the principal, they did nothing. The school district, however, insists Rathburn’s allegations are simply a case of “boys playing rough.” –> enough with this “boys will be boys” attitude! They don’t need to “play rough”; they do need to expend energy. Teach them how to do it healthily and healthfully.
– “There were several different students over the course of the year who he did not get along with or weren’t the nicest kids in the room or said something unkind,” said Brotherton. –> Obviously there was a situation, and someone should have intervened.
– The child who allegedly threw Rathburn’s son off the slide was disciplined according to the school’s disciplinary guidelines, Brotherton said. –> pardon me, but “throwing someone off a slide” sounds really dangerous… I wonder what the “disciplinary guidelines” were, and if the child who did that continued to bully or harass in other ways. If not, this was apparently an effective consequence — which still begs the question : where was supervision, and why would a child think it was okay to throw someone off of a slide?!?!?
– On the day of her arrest, Rathburn had posted a video a Facebook live video where she said she was on her way to give the school a “piece of her mind,” which prompted a “concerned citizen” to inform law enforcement.” –> “concerned citizen”… where was the concerned citizen when the bullying was happening? again this all constitutes a pattern. Bullies adapt so they can survive… they are not going to do the exact same behavior over and over again, AND they are going to use more subtle techniques, coercive techniques that can result in “he said, she said”.

“Rathburn has since sincerely apologized for her behavior but says she was just fed up with how her son was being treated. –> based on the social media comments, lots of people agree with Rathburn
– She said the school had isolated her son from the rest of the class for her son’s safety but felt it was retaliation for her behavior and persistence in trying to get the school to do something about the bullying. –> punishing the victim.
“I understand what I did was wrong. Like I said, I don’t condone it. I don’t recommend it. I wish I could change it. I can’t change it though, the only thing I can do is apologize, because that is sincere, and try to push forward and put the spotlight on what the real issues are, and that’s bullying,” Rathburn said.” –> Punishing the victim

“Rathburn is currently on a no trespassing notice in which her son will not be able to return to Greenbrier Elementary School but will still be allowed to attend another school in the district. –> So maybe the problem is with someone at the school or with the policies (e.g. Administrator and/or Board Members <– they have the power, authority, and responsibility to ensure the safety and learning for ALL students).
– “Anyone who chooses by their own admission to illegally sneak into a school building, yell at a hallway full of 8 and 9-year-old children, and curse an elementary school teacher in front of those children is going to get put on a no trespass notice and not be allowed back into the school for the rest of the year,” said Brotherton.” –> I’m just wondering with all of this threat of school shootings… how was it that this mom was able to be “berating” the bullies for so long?

Bullies are likely to become perpetrators of domestic violence. Help end systemic domestic violence by ending bullying.



Power and Control Awareness Activity: Struggle For Power and Control – Joe Biden and Politics

Our small business, Felicia Chew Community Projects, has three arms: Education, Advocacy, and Outreach. Each arm encourages individuals to Think and Speakup.

Our Mission is to End Systemic Domestic Violence. Domestic violence perpetuates due to the struggle for Power and Control. We and our communities struggle with Power and Control in most aspects, especially in Politics.


The end to Domestic Violence is when victims and survivors have a Choice of whether they remain in the Power Dynamic. The end to Systemic Domestic Violence is when the Court systems, and Societal Norms change so that victims and survivors are not forced to stay in situations where they have no Control.

While there are many physical acts of violence, including final acts of homicide and suicide, there are also many plays for Power and Control over another individual through the use of Coercive Control. On the offender side, it is important to identify when actions are for Power gain, and when they are subconscious actions resulting from implicit bias, cultural norms, etc.


Power and Control Awareness Activity: Struggle For Power and Control – Joe Biden and Politics

Background: Joe Biden has been faced with the challenge of changing his habits, due to concerns from community members of how his “touching” made them uncomfortable.

Question: Is Joe Biden “creepy Joe Biden” or simply a man who uses the Physical Touch Language of The 5 Love Languages?

Activity: Consider the following images, which tell the story of Joe and his history of “touching”. Ask yourself questions like:

1. What is the source of the photos (e.g. Business Insider)
2. What are the goals of those who shared information (to Inform? to Persuade? If it is to Persuade, what is their hidden message?)
3. How long does it take to change a habit?
4. Is the information accurate?
5. When is it “bad” to touch someone?
6. When is it “approrpiate” to touch someone?
7. How do you feel when someone touches you without permission?
8. How do you feel when someone touches you with permission?
9. Is Joe Biden trying to control and demean women and girls?
10. Is someone working to spin Joe Biden into a negative light?

Drawing Conclusions: Your conclusion may be different from another person’s conclusion. Remember that is okay. We can choose to find additional information to support our claim. We have the ability to identify if the information is fabricated, or truthful, or somewhere in between. We have the Power to “Let it go”. We have the Power to recognize that we cannot change something or someone else, we cannot control someone or something else, but we can use coping skills to cope with someone or something else.

We have the right and the responsibility to feel anger, love, and any other emotion that we experience.

Others may attempt to control your actions, thoughts, and speech. They may do so under the pretense of love. Remember: The opposite of Love is Control.

That being said, It is not necessary to “Throw the baby out with the bath water”; however, it is important to recognize that Healthy Boundaries include loving touch, loving words, and love.


Learn more about our Projects and work to End Systemic Domestic Violence at

You can support our Programs with a Purchase of a Black Bottom item, or a non tax-deductible donation at

We hope you have a great day. You are beautiful, intelligent, and amazing! ❤

#BeautifulIntelligentAmazing #TheOppositeOfLoveIsControl #Think #StopTheBlame #StopTheShame #OurChildrenAreWatching

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”