Felicia Chew on Religious Coercive Control

This was originally posted on Facebook.

Re. The Linked Article at: https://www.facebook.com/110660902299929/posts/2402861069746556/

I have mixed feelings about this one. Some of the details (Unsecured shotgun by the bed; Refusing to let the police officer see their son) are reminiscent of my life while being under religious coercive control.

What Is Religious Coercive Control?
It is a form of abuse. In a family, it should be considered domestic violence. But it’s not. The UK, Australia, and two states in the US have coercive control listed as a crime (see www.feliciachew.com/dvss for more info and to read about the Legislation we started drafting in 2017).

I really hope that Chandler Police Department has a Domestic Violence investigative unit that can take a deep look at the parents and their involvement with any religious groups they may be involved with.

To clarify, while I was under religious coercive control, the “home church” had enough Biblical teaching and reference that many of the practices made sense… including the excusing of “excessive discipline” (which disturbingly was deemed okay according to policy by the officer who responded from the Tucson Police Department in 2011).

The “home church” also used the strategy of ostracizing members of the church, and I fell victim to this practice, until it attempted to ostracize people who I loved. That old adage: “It’s okay, until it happens to you” was very much the case in my situation.

Time to Speak Up
I began to speak up about the “home church”. I am thankful to friends, to Emerge! Center Against Domestic Abuse, and other local individuals and agencies and groups (including the Tucson Police Department) who helped me find my voice.

To further clarify: I believe that Law Enforcement has a purpose : to serve and protect the community. In California and Tucson, law enforcement has always been responsive to my concerns, and I have expressed appreciation as best as I knew how.

Anti-Police?
I am still perplexed about why in 2017, the Tucson Police Officers Association stated that I was anti-police. I still cannot figure that one out. I advocated for more funding for vests for officers while on the Citizen Police Advisory Review Board – Past Chair; and I even questioned the actions of the young woman who was pushed over the bench by Sergeant Mann. At the time of the announcement on their Facebook page (that I was anti-police), I reached out to TPOA for comment, but received none.

Thanks To:
I would like to publicly acknowledge the Tucson Police Department and give thanks to several members including: Captain Chad Kasmar, Captain John Strader, former Domestic Violence Detective Belinda Morales, Chief John Leavitt, Deputy Chief Sharon Allen, Jason Winsky and Sergeant Hill, who have helped on my family’s journey to help end the cycle of domestic violence.

I would also like to thank several friends and colleagues who have helped on this journey, including: Kirsten Engel, Stacy Scheff, Alfred Urbina, Coralie Chef Ghini Satta, Austin Alexander Counts, 4th Avenue Deli, Marcella Watson, Chance Quinn, Eb Eberlein, Al Perry, Meka Love, Kuuleme Stephens, Christopher DeSimone, Adriana Pfund, Stells Di Rossi, Jesse Hite, Mark A Jordan, Cindy Rocx, Jeff Rocx, La Cocina Restaurant & Cantina, Ghini’s French Caffe, The Gloo Factory, Betts Printing, Action Print & Copy, Midtown Tavern, Steph Johnston, Jasmine Pierce, Zena Later, Surly Wench Pub, Rosemary Bolza, Sarah Gotschall, Vicki Gee, Rene Friedkin, Linda Petersen-Vargas, Carol Hammond McMillan, Todd Clodfelter, Ivanna Ferrá, Regan Kulseth, and many others who either do not have Facebook or who I am unsure want to be publicly named.

Next Steps:
My small business Felicia Chew Community Projects is working to help end systemic domestic violence through education, advocacy, and outreach. We have been working to fill in the gaps and fix the loopholes that exist in the system.

How You Can Help:
Be a friend.
Be factual.
Don’t be judgy.
Have empathy.
Listen.
(More info on how you can help is available at www.feliciachew.com/enddv)

And, if you are able to help support my small business financially, more info is at www.feliciachew.com/support.

Thanks for reading to the end of this post 🙂
Kalamajong. ❤
– Felicia

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life. Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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Felicia Chew on MAGA

I grew up in Sunnyvale, California, in the heart of Silicon Valley.  California — the place of “liberals”.  Interestingly enough, one of the teachers, who is not a “liberal”, from the high school I attended, recently posed the question on Facebook:  “What’s wrong with MAGA?”

Here’s my response:

Comment: “Greatness” depends on perception. For some, material and/or monetary wealth equals “greatness”. For others, having clean air, or waking up to not the sounds of gunfire, or living in a home with just immediate family, or going to school everyday… equals “greatness”. That being said, what’s the problem with “MAGA”?

A. It (MAGA) is a misrepresentation. America was never “Great”. 😦 America can become “Great”. 🙂 (That would be great!) 😀

1. America has a history of racism, and unfortunately, that divisiveness continues. 😦

2. America has systemic poverty. 😦

3. America has systemic domestic violence. 😦

4. America had systemic crime. 😦

5. America has systemic inequities. 😦

B. This would not be a problem except for the fact that our Preamble and Constitution talk about how We, the People, have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 🙂

1. Many Americans do not have the liberty to walk among our streets due to (a) racism; (b) sexism; (c) fear for safety due to the lack of gun sense laws; (d) fear for safety due to the ability of law enforcement officers to detain and isolate individuals; (5) all the other ‘isms that exist (too many to list). 😦

C. It (the phrase MAGA and the image of a red hat) has become a stumbling block to many in our community. 😦 Ironically, many who believe in MAGA are God-fearing Christians. I remember the scripture that reads: “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Roman’s 14:13) 🙂

Final Thoughts:
1. Is “MAG(A)” a noble concept? Yes.
2. Is “MAG(A)” effective in Uniting the People? No.

Next Steps? So many possibilities…

Thanks for reading to the bottom of my comment!

Kalamajong ❤

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

Felicia Chew on Technology, Bullying, and Parapros in Schools

A defense for teaching proper use of technology in the schools, and an argument for more parapros in the classroom:

Apps like Google Docs allow collaboration, and students who explore the technology creatively are faced with natural consequences: “Nathan said he and his classmates were excited to discover the group-messaging functionality last year, because “it looks like you’re being productive.” But, he added, “the drawback is that you’re not working on what you’re supposed to be working on, so you don’t get anything done.””

Google Docs is a useful way to have students work together and collaborate. However, as the article also states, bullying and “burn books” are occuring.

Solutions:
1. Student-focused classrooms. (There is a difference between a student-focused classroom and a classroom that coddles students).

2. Additional paraprofessionals who can work with the teacher to support students in the classroom, and can also support the teacher in grading, contact with families, etc. (For example, attorneys have paralegals, and so should educators).

3. Restorative and transformative justice programs (properly implemented).

4. Enforced effective policies and programs that prevent bullying, and resolve identified bullying.

5. Integrated (outpatient and inpatient; e.g. private therapy sessions AND in the classroom and at home support) services for victims, bullies, their friends, and their families.

Needs:
1. Parental/family advocates and support services, including referral services to resources, and connected supportive networks;

2. Healthy opportunities and choices;

3. Funding for paraprofessionals;

4. Training on restorative and transformative processes;

5. Updated policies. The shorter the better. Something like:

A. We understand that we can only control ourselves, possibly influence others, and that we must leave the rest as concern.

B. We have the right to feel safe and be safe at all times.

C. We have the right and responsibility to speak up, without judgment, and without being judged.

6. Effective Implementation of Enforcing Policies

A. Students and staff who do not feel safe and/or are not safe have the responsibility to speak up, and be seen and heard before 5pm that day (yes, this means there needs to be enough staffing, and flexible work hours for staff).

B. All complainants will have the opportunity to choose the form of resolution. Forms of resolution include: self-removal; restorative/transformative conversation (Note: the complainee also has the right to accept participation in the restorative/transformative process, or not; and at this point the paraprofessionals/teacher would have a conversation with the complainee and have intentional interactions (passive) to observe the complainee from a perspective of supporting the complainant and complainee in resolving the situation, while understanding that there are an infinite number of possibilities for the disturbance).

“It takes a village to raise a child” (African Proverb)

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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http://www.feliciachew.com/support2

Felicia Chew on the “War on Drugs”

Photo from: Feb 7, 2019 Opinion piece by L. Roberts (AZCentral.com)

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We Need Drug Sense

We’re doing it wrong.  We should not be fighting a “war on drugs”; we should be educating our communities with “Drug Sense”.  Drugs are a tool — any tool can be used for “good”, and any tool can be used for “not good”.  A hammer can be used to help build a home, and a hammer can be used to tear down a home.

Drugs will always be around as long as there is a market for them; as long as we have people in pain (physical, emotional, mental), our drug companies, and illegal drug markets, will exist.

If we “secure one border”, drugs will find another way to enter the country.  The allure of money, “acceptance” (into a scene, and being “seen” as someone of importance when being a drug runner…; or the thrill of being a drug runner, and avoiding being detected, and making lots of money…; the appreciation of drug lord through words, or money…) These are all issues of power and control.

Recently, there has been discussion about securing the border here in Pima County.  Talk with most law enforcement officers, and you will hear that if you “take care of a problem”, it really just moves somewhere else…

As a society, we do not typically deal with the root issue; we deal with the symptom.  Drug abuse is not the problem; it is the symptom.

Consider the following statements:

• Drugs are not the problem; addictions are the problem.
• Drugs are not the problem; lack of education and awareness are the problem.
• Drugs are not the problem; greed is the problem.
• Drugs are not the problem; the need for escape is the problem.
• Drugs are not the problem; America’s attitude about drugs are the problem.
• Drugs are not the problem; abuse is the problem.

To that end, it is necessary to educate our children, youth, families, and communities about the effects of drugs.

Abuse of drugs contribute to systemic domestic violence, as members of a family:

• Individuals spend money on drugs, instead of family necessities;
• Individuals become addicted, and unable to fulfill responsibilities;
• Individuals argue about drug use, and addictions;
• Individuals deny addictions;
• Individuals are unable to find effective support to break their addictions.

Abuse of drugs increases the costs for all of us, as those seeking money for drugs commit burglaries, assaults, petty crimes, and homicides.  We have a systemic cycle of crime and violence that is perpetuated as we focus on symptoms, and not the underlying problems.

How can we use policy and budget to effect lasting change that reduces the abuse of drugs in our community?

• Implement drug education programs that talk about the benefits and dangers of medicine;
• Continue to develop treatment programs that include individual and family therapy;
• Invest in funding to study and replicate effective programs like the Family Preservation Program out of JFCS;
• Ensure that policy is flexible enough to bridge the implementation gaps that will exist for individual families;
• Provide a budget that is flexible enough to meet the needs of the implementation team;
• Identify community organizations who can continue the work, once the infrastructure is set in place;
• Use continuous improvement to regularly review infrastructure and systems.

For effective change in the way we run business, we must elect individuals who have vision and courage to ensure that no one is left behind.  Vote Felicia Chew – Pima County Supervisor, District 3 (2020).

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life; without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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www.feliciachew.com

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Felicia Chew on Addictions

Since we have a problem with addictions in our community, we must be sure that policies/laws and budgets help us out of the rut that addicts, their families, and our community are in.

We can empower addicts, and help addicts, their families, and the rest of the community understand that we are each a piece of the puzzle of life. Without each of us and all of us, our communities would not be complete. We can:

– provide education about addictions
– provide education about insiduous people and organizations
– ensure people have access to basic needs
– hold people accountable, especially those who abuse power (whether it is on purpose, or accidental)

This is why I keep running for elected office… to be in a place where I have the ability to help create laws and rules that help everyone, and to help with making sure money goes to programs and materials that help everyone.”

– Felicia Chew

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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http://www.feliciachew.com

Felicia Chew on Guns In The Classroom

Arming teachers is a potential solution that increases the everyday risk of students and staff.

From 2006-2016, almost 6,885 people in the U.S. died from unintentional shootings. In 2016 alone, there were 495 incidents of accidental firearm deaths.

(https://www.aftermath.com/content/accidental-shooting-deaths-statistics)

If we have money from the NRA for paying teachers to carry firearms, we should be talking about using that money to/for preventing active shooters.

“The NRA’s mission statement, summarized from its bylaws, is: “To protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, especially with reference to the inalienable right of the individual American citizen guaranteed by such Constitution to acquire, possess, collect, exhibit, transport, carry, transfer ownership of, and enjoy the right to use arms.” The statement also includes a focus on promoting public safety, training in the safe and efficient handling of small arms, hunter safety, and shooting sport promotion.”
(https://www.newsmax.com/t/newsmax/article/600067/113)

The money can be used for “promoting public safety” which can arguably include:

(1) teaching complex thinkers –  teaching students how to #THINK and ask questions, so they do not blindly follow the instructions of another person (PUBLIC SAFETY);

(2) teaching individuals how to be mindful, especially when making choices on how we interact with one another (PUBLIC SAFETY)

(3) proper implementation of and support of practices like PBIS (Positive Behavior Intervention and Supports https://www.pbis.org) (PUBLIC SAFETY)

There are many ways that public safety can be addressed.  The NRA is not the enemy.  FEAR is the enemy.  Be mindful of our fears. Be mindful of the fact that when we are in fear, our higher levels of thinking are blocked, as we prepare for fight, flight, or freeze.  Be mindful of the fact that we justify our actions.  Be aware that we are not trained to be mindful and to dig deep.  Be mindful that our lights have been dimmed.

Linked Article: “North Carolina teachers who carry guns to school could get a pay raise under a new bill”
(https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/03/08/us/north-carolina-armed-teachers-pay-raise-trnd/index.html?utm_medium=social&utm_term=link&utm_source=fbCNN&utm_content=2019-03-09T01%3A29%3A06&fbclid=IwAR09WPL9nziXDLNMt9ZrzEcHNyTpF3pO_06UY3jeXJdP7ba26dksRQPaiOc)

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

http://www.feliciachew.com

Barbies In the Street!! !?@%!

Building relationships in your neighborhood

Posted on Facebook on Cyndi and Chris in the Morning:

“We got a message from Lindsey looking for some advice. What should she do about her messy neighbors??

“Dear Cyndi and Chris,
I am going freaking crazy!
My husband and I live in a cul de sac in Sahuarita, and every day when we come home it’s like an obstacle course on our street. There are tricylces, toys, dolls, food wrappers, and all kinds of random stuff scattered all over- and I know it’s coming from my neighbor’s house.
Their 3 kids have no concept of cleaning up after themselves. The other day one of their daughters left a pile of Barbie’s right in front of our drive way. I had to clear a path just to park in my own garage!
I am so sick of having to clean up after my neighbors. I have tried dropping hints, but they are not getting it! How can I get them to pick up after themselves??

Love you guys
Lindsey”

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Here’s our response with a recipe for building relationship!

Building new habits is SO much fun!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 (some sarcasm here). As a classroom teacher, I follow the practice of Harry Wong‘s “First Days of School” and Fred Jones‘ “Positive Classroom Discipline”. Being intentional helps set a happy healthy community (which IS fun) 🙂 . Here are some “recipes” that might be helpful… (P.S. If no one is home, leave a note on the door.)

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Day One (Barbies in street): “Giving information”
Time to allow: 10 minutes

< Knock knock. > Hi, I’m Lindsey, and I live next door! I just wanted to say hello! How are you? <chat chat chat, then casually say…> Oh, by the way, I almost smooshed the barbies on my way home yesterday… I was wondering if you could keep them out of the street? Great, thanks! Bye! 🙂

—–

Day Two (if no Barbies) 🙂
Time to allow: 2 minutes

<Knock knock >. Hi again! I just wanted to say thanks for having the barbies out of the street! I hope you have a good day! Bye! 🙂

<You are done and the problem is solved! Be aware that you may need to revisit this recipe again in the future, in which case you would start with Day 3 below.>

-or-

Day 2 (if Barbies) 😦 (Attempt #1)
Prep: Get a reusable bag (available at the Dollar Tree, the Public Library for $1)
Time to allow: 2 minutes

<Knock knock> Hi again! How are you? I wanted to let you know I almost smooshed barbies again! I was thinking about how you have so many of them, that they might be hard to carry. I use a bag like this to carry things when I have too many. May I give this to you? Thanks! Bye! 🙂

—–

Day Three (if there were Barbies on Day 2, and no Barbies today) 🙂
Time to allow: 2 minutes

<Knock knock >. Hi again! I just wanted to say thanks for having the barbies out of the street! I hope you have a good day. Bye! 🙂

Or

Day 3 (Barbies) (Attempt #2)
Time to allow: 10 minutes

<Knock knock> Hi again! How are you? I wanted to let you know I almost smooshed barbies again! I have a couple minutes to help you bring your Barbies in. Sometimes it is helpful to have a friend help when there’s a lot to do! <Help bring barbies in… make sure you are not hungry, lest you become hangry>

—–

Day 4: (No barbies if there were Barbies on Day 3)
Time to allow 2 minutes

<Knock knock >. Hi again! I just wanted to say thanks for having the barbies out of the street! I hope you have a good day! Bye! 🙂

or

Day 4: (Barbies!?!?@#!) (Attempt #3)
Time to allow: 10 minutes total with a 5 minute preparation (You might be really frustrated now! So “Take 5” to breathe, relax your jaw and shoulders before you go to your neighbors’ home)

<Knock knock> Hi again! How are you? I wanted to let you know I almost smooshed barbies again! Want some help? <Help get them started, then excuse yourself to “check the oven”, etc. so they finish independently.>

—–

Day 5 (No Barbies, after there were Barbies on previous days)
Time to allow: 2 minutes

<Knock knock >. Hi again! I just wanted to say thanks for having the barbies out of the street! I hope you have a good day! Bye! 🙂

or

Still Barbies? Following the “three attempts with the same result, so now we need to take action” concept from baseball… something has to happen now… the batter either walks, or is called out. As painful and cruel as it may seem, natural consequences happen, and a barbie may be smooshed.

Day 5 (Barbies)
Time to allow: 2 minutes

<Knock knock> <sad face> I am so sorry that your Barbie was smooshed. I hope you have a good day. Bye. <sad face>

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*Keep in mind: (1) It takes 30 days to build a new habit; (2) Laying the groundwork in the beginning takes time, but it is worth it in the long run, because happy neighbors are helpful neighbors, and we never know when we might need a helping hand :); (3) Natural consequences happen when people don’t take responsibility. Feeling guilty? Don’t. Feeling frustrated? Normal. Feeling sad? Also normal.

Go make your luck! ❤ 🙂

 

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“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life. Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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http://www.feliciachew.com

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