The Divorce Story and Thanksgiving Day – A Time for Reflection
**Warning: Reader Discretion Advised – contains Real Talk regarding human sexuality**
The Divorce – The Power of a Name Changer
Seven years ago, on this evening, I spent my last day as a Samson. Tomorrow would be the day that my divorce was finalized, and the Judge would grant me permission to return to my maiden name.
It seems odd, thinking back now, that someone has the power to approve, or disapprove my name, for that matter anyone’s name. Thinking back to Angel Island, and the immigration of countless Chinese immigrants, whose names were written at the convenience of the immigration officials, and perhaps also to their dismay when they heard names the could not understand being spoke to them in broken tongue. My cousins have the name “Ju”, while we have the name “Chew”. The Chinese character is the same, but the American spellings vary from Chu to Chiu to Zhu to Jiu to Zhao to Chao and on and on.
So on this night, when many people are thinking of holiday turkeys, I am remembering the divorce. Ironically, this is the same day that I am thinking of the end of my second relationship after my divorce. The first ended when my fiancee hit me. And denied it. After his shock of realizing that I was not returning, and actually leaving, he refused to give me money for the trailer that was mine (a truck bed trailer), the washer that was mine, and the bed that was mine. It was a disappointment. In the end, I decided that pursuing any sort of legal action was not worth it. Not because it was not my right to reclaim my property, but simply because going to Court is exhausting. And expensive. And frustrating. Especially when you have a lawyer who attempts to seduce your boyfriend (not the fiancee, but this was the fellow in the second relationship that I just spoke of, who is one of the individuals not preparing for Thanksgiving, because he is British. And Brits don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.)
This is the second break up in the eleventh month, just seven years apart. And I feel fine.
We Don’t Know What We Are Doing, Nor Why We Are Doing It
The Bible talks about having the gift of singleness. Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible alludes to overpopulation and the problems of moving too quickly. Judy Blume’s Forever talks about how love really isn’t forever… it’s just the transfer of physical needs placed upon another human being.
When I was a student at the University, I learned that boys think with their penises. It wasn’t love, like the TV shows portrayed. It was the need to rub their penis on (in) something warm and inviting, and to ejaculate. The need for physical relief was so great, that these boys would consume alcohol to convince themselves that the girl they were with was enough for them. The need was so great for the girls, that they would fool themselves into thinking that they were dressing up for themselves, because they wanted to wear what they wanted to wear.
We lied to ourselves.
Here is what I want to say to anyone who is listening:
- Stop talking. Listen. Actively.
- You don’t owe anyone anything.
- People do the best that they can do.
- Many people are afraid, and don’t know that they are afraid, or refuse to believe that they are afraid.
- We have forgotten how to think. In fact, our systems work to ensure that we don’t remember how to think.
- We need to respect and honor: Creativity, Humanity, Empathy, and Wisdom
- Be methodical.
- You are amazing, beautiful, and intelligent.
- People lie.
- Believe in yourself, and you can do anything.
Happy Thanksgiving to one and to all.
Wishing you peace and a happy healthy days,
“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life. Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”
Help End Systemic Domestic Violence: http://www.feliciachew.com/enddv