You Want The Truth? It’s Right Before Your Eyes

Ego Trumps Empathy: Safety Should Not Need To Be “Requested”

Several years ago, I started working on adding coercive control as a crime to Arizona statutes. I keep getting push-back or non-interest.

What “they” say:

  • “It already exists in another section” (when I looked, and we discussed, the clarifying statement was “family law lawyers know where to look”);
  • “Law enforcement CAN make an arrest”.

Here’s the reality:

  • I am still over 13k in debt to my family law lawyer who was 100% UNsuccessful in making things better;
  • The wrong people have been arrested (due to fear and gaslighting);
  • My boys and I have all engaged in self-harm practices to cope for many years; and just when we think things are getting better, it starts up again.

The Bill:

  • The draft is at;
  • Perpetrators and victims have reviewed the Bill;
  • Family law attorneys and attorneys for the defense have reviewed the Bill;
  • The Bill went up to the State Legislature, but there was not enough time to lobby for the bill, especially because this “route” does not fit with the “route” that the Coalition is taking.

Seeing a Pattern

  • People in control want to stay in control;
  • People are rock-brained, not flexible-brained;
  • People cannot look past their echo chambers;
  • People cannot suspend disbelief;
  • People would rather presume the guilty to be innocent, and the innocent to be lying about the alleged.

The strategies have been identified. Overt threats and intimidation are on the books as illegal.

  • Blackmail (with evidence);
  • Bruises, cuts, abrasions;
  • Other things that we can SEE.

The problem is that the UNseen strategies are hidden just beneath the surface, and no one wants to look there.

  • “Invasion of privacy”;
  • “Anyone can accuse anyone of a crime!”

Yes, those are all true.  And they have been true.  Look back historically:

  • The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882
  • The Japanese internment camp
  • The murder of Vincent Chin

There are more, but people don’t want to see the truth.  They don’t want to get their hands dirty.  They want to shame and blame those who ask for reasonable requests — like safety in a courtroom.

This is why I am an advocate for the victim.  A victim can be the one who is being alleged as a perpetrator of a sex crime.  Take a minute to wrap your mind around that.

Fear is a powerful thing.  So, it is necessary to get out of the feeding frenzy, take a breath, relax your shoulders, jaw, brain… and allow logic to return.

Recognize that we are in low levels of crisis, because we know in our heart of hearts, that ego trumps empathy.  Perception is greater than intent.  And at any moment, we could be the accused.

Embrace the #Truth, and take time to Do the Right Thing.

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

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