Community Centers in Our Neighborhoods – #SaveGoldenPinLanes

Community centers with various activities are necessary in all neighborhoods, to stimulate happy and healthy neighbors. I am seeking supporters to help end systemic domestic violence, and create a happier, healthier community, through securing Golden Pin Lanes as a community center.

Background Information 

Golden Pin Lanes, located at 1010 W. Miracle Mile Road is for sale.  My understanding is that the current owner (age 85) is looking to sell the facility, because he is aging, and he is hoping to sell to someone who will keep it as a bowling facility.  He recently upgraded the kitchen and added an arcade.

The County has an offer on the property.  My understanding is that the County saw that the facility had been on the market, and since they were looking for someplace to combine facilities in the area, this would be the perfect place.  They could purchase something that no one wants, and save County taxpayers’ dollars.

The current path would result in the bowling lanes being removed and replaced with social services offices.  While it would be convenient to have the social services building in the Golden Pins location, other possible locations include the land behind the Westside Substation and the recently closed Toys R Us on Oracle Road.

We will be asking the County and City to consider options for supporting the transformation of Golden Pin Lanes into a community center, as described below.

In the event that neither the County nor the City are interested in procuring Golden Pin Lanes in this fashion, I am working on a back-up plan to purchase Golden Pin Lanes, and begin the transformation.

We will be sharing our stories about the benefits of Golden Pin Lanes in our community, and sharing my vision at the Call to Audience with Pima County Supervisors on Tuesday, August 7 at 9am, and with Mayor and Council on Wednesday, August 8 at 5:30pm.  Please join us!

Viva (la revolucion)!

❤ Felicia

The Vision

I have a vision for repurposing Golden Pin Lanes into a sustainable community center — keeping the bowling lanes, and addressing several problems and challenges in the community.

1. Safe Space with Mentors for Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence.

Resources. I have a friend who knows 100 individuals who want to be mentors and give back to the community.

Current State of the City. Domestic violence is when family members who live together get into an argument that becomes violent.  When law enforcement responds, and no one is physically injured, the family is told that someone should leave the residence, to allow time to cool off.  Unfortunately, there isn’t always somewhere for the family member(s) to go.  And oftentimes, when someplace is found, the person who had to leave the home becomes more upset, as “friends” may ask how they are doing.  The downward spiral continues, as the person who left begins to feel that they were wronged in being told to leave.  Resentment grows, and when the person returns, they are more angry than when they left, and has time to devise a plan to cause more harm to the family.

Solution. A community center with recreational facilities, and a safe space with mentors trained in crisis response, and knowledgeable about resources, who could work with the person who had to leave their home, could help set a path for the family to take them out of crisis, and into happier, healthier living.

For example, Pima One Stop has pop-up tables at the Pima County Libraries.  My vision is Pima One Stop Plus — with mentors available for crisis response and victim/survivor advocacy.

How it would work. Distressed family members choose to come to Golden Pin Lanes.  Mentors are available to bowl with the children and/or parents, and chat with them, similar to the work that Crisis Response Teams perform.  Studies show that people who are in crisis need a safe space.  Golden Pin Lanes and other community centers could be those safe spaces.

2. Sustainable Income for IndividualsThe Community Center should provide opportunities that help neighbors increase their happiness and health by developing their resources. 

Golden Pin Lanes could host silent auctions and Farmer’s Markets /Swap Meets weekly, for neighbors to sell or trade their wares and services

There are several art therapy programs in the community.  Participants in art therapy programs could have the opportunity to sell their art.

There are several schools in the community.  Schools could display student work.

3. Healthy and safe opportunitiesThe community center should host a variety of activities at reasonable rates, for neighbors to participate.

Golden Pin Lanes has indoor bowling, an arcade, and dining facilities.  In Tucson’s heat, it is necessary to have indoor activities for the summer months.

For more information on the work being done to end systemic domestic violence, visit us online:




Learn how to make a financial contribution to help end systemic domestic violence at

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”

Now is the Time for Courageous Conversations. Now is the Time to End Society’s Systemic Sickness.

Note to Reader:  You have a choice and you have the power to choose to read, or not read, what follows.  Once you read it, you cannot unlearn it, unhear it, or unsee it.  You will see it everywhere.  

This “Note to Reader” is not meant as a gimmick, or threat, or insult to you.  This “Note to Reader” is for permission to share ideas and concepts which may be puzzling or confusing on the first, second, or even third reads.   What follows requires readers to suspend disbelief, and step out of their echo chambers to consider other perspectives.

It is not intended to be condescending.   The impact on you of what follows is your choice.  You have the power.  You have the control. You can bookmark this page, follow this blog, read this blog, take a break from this blog.  The power and choice are yours.

Feel free to contact us with questions, comments, or concerns.  

Viva la revolucion! Here’s to ending systemic domestic violence and Society’s Systemic Sickness!

❤ Felicia

What is a courageous conversation?

A courageous conversation is when we make ourselves vulnerable to others, and show our underbellies.

In courageous conversations, we speak truthfully about our beliefs, which may not be the common or mainstream belief.  We agree to suspend our disbelief, and we listen to ideas that we may be puzzled by.

Being vulnerable is not the same as being weak.  Being weak is when we do not take responsibility for our own actions.  Being weak is when we make excuses, and try to shame and blame others. Being weak perpetuates our society’s systemic sickness.

Being vulnerable means having courageous conversations, admitting our weaknesses, and asking for a hand-up — not a hand-out.

What’s the difference between a hand-out and a hand-up?

A hand-out is when we give something to someone, that helps with the symptom, but not with the root cause.

Unfortunately, people who start on the path of giving or receiving hand-outs remain on the path with their hands out, asking for something, without learning what their possible options are, nor how to exercise all of their possible options.  They fall into the habit of giving without understanding the root cause of the problem.

A hand-up is when we receive a boost to help get us across a broken bridge.

Sometimes, a hand-out starts as a hand-up, but then an enabler — someone with a Napoleon complex, or someone with a poor understanding of what suffering is — comes along and convinces the person asking for the hand-up that they are too weak and incapable to take care of themselves.

An enabler takes away the power and personal responsibility of the person asking for a hand-up.  Too often, the person asking for the hand-up is exhausted, in some state of crisis, and happy to take the help of someone else.  Most likely, they don’t have the time or resources to vet the enabler, and they become someone constantly asking for a hand-out — the person asking for a hand-up becomes a victim of society’s systemic sickness.  They stop believing in themselves.  They lose faith in themselves.  They lose courage.

What causes an enabler?

An enabler is created through ego and false compassion.

Most enablers think they are doing a good deed, by giving something to someone.  The “good deed” usually results from the enabler’s perspective and experiences. It is important to remember that the enabler does not realize they are enabling others; the enabler is doing the best that they can, with their limited perspective.

Recent discussions claim that the fault is due to a person’s privilege.  Most recently, the issue of White privilege is being attacked by activists who have had #Enough, and found that they are not alone, by being able to more easily network through modern day technology, such as social media and online presence.

Unfortunately, the “good deed” often times becomes a crutch.  This is known as “learned helplessness.”

What is ego?

Ego is the part of us that longs for control.  Ego is emotional immaturity — our emotional self that is in the developing stage, believing that the world revolves around us, and us alone.

It is important to have ego because we are important.  We are each piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete. 

However, it is important that we do not impose our ego upon others.

When we impose our egos upon others who are not as strong as ourselves, we contribute to society’s systemic sickness, and we enable victims with learned helplessness.

What is false compassion?

False compassion is compassion that has the appearance of being acts of compassion, but are actually acts to satisfy one’s own ego, or to protect oneself and their social circles.

It’s a “dog eat dog” world today.  Social circles work to create loyalty.  Many fraternities and sororities of the past were rampant with hazing practices.  Many political groups put restrictions on what may be said or not said….

Some social circles tell members what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and where to do it.  It is an outdated belief that social circles can only grow themselves through maintaining power and control.  It is an outdated belief that one must participate in only one social circle.

What is learned helplessness?

Learned helplessness is a result of being a recipient of poorly implemented compassion.  We are taught to love others and to be kind.  We are not taught to help others, but we are not taught about the difference between empathy and compassion.

Learned helplessness is also a result of being shamed or blamed. Shame and blame perpetuate a system of learned helplessness. Shame and blame take away power from those being shamed and blamed.  Shame and blame perpetuate society’s systemic sickness.

How do we have Courageous Conversations?

1. Breathe.  Deep belly filling breaths.  In through the nose, out through the mouth.  Repeat.  In.  Out.  Relax your shoulders. Relax your jaw.  Relax your face.  Relax your hands.  Relax your stomach.  Relax your toes.  Relax the bottoms of your feet.  Relax your temples.  Breathe.  In.  Out.

Controlling our breath brings us out of our stress that comes when we make the choice to have a courageous conversation, and prepare for being vulnerable.

2. Boundaries. Identify what you are comfortable sharing.

Remember: a courageous conversation is a choice.  If someone attacks you during your courageous conversations for your beliefs, understand that usually, they are doing the best that they can, and may be unable to suspend their disbelief at that time.

It is important to agree ahead of time on the sign or words for taking a time-apart, or a time-out.  It is important to set the time to come back to the conversation.

It is important to understand that not all individuals have good intentions, and it is necessary and appropriate to set boundaries of what is discussed.

It is important to identify if someone is asking questions as a “gotcha”, or if someone is asking questions to understand.

When in doubt of another person’s intentions, trust your gut.  Keep the boundary.  Take a time apart.  Breathe. Reflect. And remember to do self-care.  Courageous conversations are a process.  They start with inner dialogue — dialogue with yourself.

3. Barriers and Broken Bridges. Take your actions and thoughts all the way to the root cause, where there is no shaming or blaming, and all the way to the point where you recognize the barriers and broken bridges,  and what you would do differently now.  What guidance would you give your own self?

Realize it takes 30 days of consistent focus and reminders to change habits.  Realize that bridges can be built in a day with many hands.  It takes longer when you are alone.  Know that there is more than one design for a bridge.

4. Basic. Keep it simple.  Keep it focused.  Answer three basic questions in your courageous conversation:

  • What did you do?
  • Why was it not okay?
  • What can you do differently?

5. Be. Be present.  Be realistic.  Be your genuine self.

Seek understanding, not to be understood.

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us our picture is incomplete.”

“…working to end systemic domestic violence through sharing stories, art, and perspectives.”

Policy: Empowering, not coddling

Photo courtesy of Nanini Library/Facebook

Each of us is at a different place emotionally, based on our daily experiences which can change rapidly throughout the day. Numbers in research articles vary — some say an adult makes 35,000 conscious decisions in a day; a young child makes 3,000.

Sometimes the decisions have results that were not intended nor planned — the situation spirals out of the individual’s control. The individual enters crisis mode, and is left to finding ways to cope with the new situation, and their loss of control. The individual is left with making decisions.

A person in crisis cannot make the best decisions. However, a person who has been taught various coping mechanisms may be able to avoid a full-blown crisis.

Some coping strategies might include therapy dogs, comfort blankets, and headphones with personal music which allow us to regain the control that we felt we lost.

As governing board member, I will ensure that policies allow our schools to provide space and resources for our students and staff to develop, practice, and safely and responsibly use appropriate coping mechanisms.

Do the Right Thing

“No matter what you say or do, someone will take offense.”

Hypersensitivity, trauma, personal experiences, and ego contribute to the way we perceive and respond to stimuli.  Whether in the political, religious, or every day sphere, people speak out, and others condemn.

What can we do in these situations?  We can do the right thing.  Doing the right thing can be exhausting, it can be exhilirating, it can be empty.  So why do it, when what we receive may be so much more heartbreaking than what we put in?  We do it because it is the right thing to do.

Do the right thing, because someone will always criticize.  And when you take too many rabbit trails, you lose the fox.

“We are each a piece of the puzzle of life.  Without each of us, our picture is incomplete.”