They Cry “Racist, Rapist, and Sexist” but Here’s the HuNGOS (the Human Non-Glamourous Other Side): “Roots, Respect, and Idioms”

What the “News” Doesn’t Tell You — The Human Non-Glamorous Other Side (aka HuNGOS)


Todd Clodfelter’s family heritage involves the Confederate flag.  To him, it is not a symbol of hatred and racism.  It is a reminder of a childhood with southern roots.

If you read the articles, Todd Clodfelter apologized to the woman sitting behind him on the Legislative floor, and they came to an understanding.  It was ANOTHER woman who continued the complaint.

And it was yet another woman (Kirsten Engel, his Legislative counterpart) who stated: “Todd is not a racist.”


Yahya Yuksel had a single instance of a “he said-she said” allegation against him.  The fact that (she) has not come out in the open to press charges about the situation, when it is obvious that she would most likely “win” such a case at this time, should give *us* pause in passing judgment upon Yahya.

Yahya has been proclaimed as an abuser.  An abuser is someone who repeatedly causes harm, intentionally and maliciously, upon someone or someones. There is no repetition by Yahya.

Not many people realize that Yahya actually met with some of the women who were at his office on that Sunday.

Not many people realize that people who are abused can take on the role of being abusive.

Abuse is NOT okay. I do the work to end systemic domestic abuse, and I work with those who are survivors and victims to identify what will make things better.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) 75% of the population has not had to experience abuse. Unfortunately, of the 25% who have experienced it, they do not have the clarity to identify the changes in the system, including their own behaviors, to truly end the cycle of systemic abuse.

When we have a broken bone, it starts to heal. It may need to be broken again, because it is not healing properly.

That’s where we are on this track with domestic violence. The pendulum is swinging.

Yahya was late to enter the Congressional race.  Billy Kovacs was the youngest before Yahya entered.  I was supporting Billy (I was waffling between him, Mary Sally Matiella, and Bruce Wheeler).   Many of those who were outspoken and critical, and calling for Yahya to “Step down” were supporters of Billy.  Billy resonated with many of his supporters because he listens.  He cares.

But lack of experience with those who have experienced, or are experiencing trauma, and unresolved trauma, caused short-sightedness for many members of the community.  A whole boatload of crisis was in effect, and higher level thinking brains were cut off, and bodies and survival instincts kicked in and reacted.

Here’s the thing:  Yahya never attacked anyone who attacked him.  Yahya continued the race with style, grace, and ended the race with some pretty awesome handmade signs with great messaging.  And yes, Yahya has been in communication with (her).

It is of the utmost of importance that we set aside our preconceived notions, and what we *think* we know, with actual truth and evidence.  We must be wary of imposing our thoughts and fears upon others.   We must remember that we can only truly control our own selves, not the selves of others.


Mike Hicks received a phone call from the Superintendent’s Office telling him he needed to appear in Court in less than 24 hours.  No paperwork.  Just a phone call.  He appeared in Court.  Still no paperwork. (In fact, he did not ask for the paperwork, but I had asked for my paperwork, only to be denied it from the accusor’s representstive).  Mile was then told that he needed to return to Court in a week.  He stated that he had a Deseg meeting to attend on the suggested date.  He was told he would have to miss the meeting.  It was recommended that he get a lawyer.  He asked about the Public Defender’s Office.  He was told those lawyers are only for folks who are charged with a crime.

Side Note:  Anyone can make an allegation.  I also had my signatures challenged.  I made a motion to have my allegations dismissed, and gave a verbal explanation, while holding up several documents.  I was told that it needed to be in writing, and a ruling was made without prejudice to keep the case.  Side Note to the Side Note: I had received the notice to appear in Court less than 48 hours prior to my Court appearance.

The conversation after being in the Courtroom was informal. There were three of us.  Yours truly (who was in the same boat), Mike Hicks, and Hank Stephenson.  The conversation was about the rate of pay for a School Board member… Zero. Nada. Zilch.  It was about the climate of TUSD Board meetings…. Reported in the news and on social media as dysfunctional, confrontational, self-serving.  The use of an outdated idiom and urban myth – regarding women being on their periods, and was used to express the Board situation, and that maybe this was a blessing in disguise…. after all, there are currently other people seeking a spot on the Board, and there will still be a vote by the People, even if Mike is off of the ballot).  It was a private conversation. (Please note that there are MANY outdated idioms in use.  For one: “oriental”, which results in some Asians responding with great and animated offense: “I AM NOT A RUG!”).

What will change the use of outdated idioms and allegations upon allegations?  Attention and awareness; NOT name-calling, shaming, and blaming.


Ask yourself: “Self, who is spinning these stories?” Be a truthseeker. Ask questions

#QuestionAuthority #CourageousConversations #BeBrave #NoFear #SeekTheTruth

Learn more about ending systemic problems, starting with helping to end systemic domestic violence, at


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